When It All Falls Apart
by you'lllovemeandI'll loveyou
Summary: Everybody has a breaking point
1. Break Me Down

When It All Falls Apart

Chapter 1

(I don't own Grey's Anatomy)

….

It happens the night Mark walks away from me.

I'm distraught, tears filling my eyes and making everything blurry as I make my way to the carpark.

I don't see him coming up behind me, don't hear him through the sounds of my sobs.

His dirty hand clamps down over my mouth, silencing the scream that bursts from me and dragging me backwards. I flail and scratch at him wildly, my nails digging into the skin of him arms and tearing. He spins me around at this and I get a glimpse of his eyes, his cold grey eyes before he punches me. Hard. So hard stars explode in front of my eyes and black spots appear in my vision.

I'm vaguely aware of him dragging me towards a bush, twigs scratching my arms as he throws me to the ground. I attempt to scream again but him kicks me in the side, I hear a crack as his boot breaks at least one rib and groan, curling up.

He gets on the ground now, his hands roughly grabbing my wrists in one while the other makes its way under my brown jacket, onto my blue shirt. I struggle against him still and he ends up ripping my shirt, his hand goes back and hits me across the face, I feel my lip split and blood leaks down my chin. He keeps hitting until I'm too dizzy to fight back and then reaches down for my jeans. I cry out as his tears them off me but one hand holds my arms down and I'm too weak to fight against him from the beating.

When he's pulled his pants down he brings one hand up, covering my mouth and silencing the screams that I let out when he violates me. The pain is unbearable, ripping through me and tearing me in places I didn't know could tear. He finishes quickly, hurriedly pulling up his pants and leaving me in the bush alone, half naked and bleeding.

My hair has been pulled out of its ponytail and is messy around me, twigs and leaves in it. I have a few bite marks on my collarbone from where he bit me to stop himself from moaning and I know that I am bleeding badly down _there._

I wince as I slowly sit up, pain shooting through my lower body and my head throbbing. I manage to pull my underwear and pants up, groaning from the pain it causes and drag myself out of the bush on all fours, one hand against my broken ribs.

 _Thank god I'm near the hospital_ I think as I pull myself to my feet, staggering from the pain and dizziness and slowly make my way back to the hospital. I go in through one of the less used entrances, the last thing I want is to cause a huge commotion and make my way inside.

Of course I run into someone within the first 5 minutes, knocking my ribs and making me hiss

"Watch where you're going Grey!" Bailey reprimands only glancing at me quickly before walking off. As if she just took in my appearance she stops in her steps and turns around, approaching me cautiously.

"Lexie?" She says gently reaching out to touch my shoulder and I flinch, panic gripping me and moving my ribs, making me groan "Okay, okay I won't touch you. It's all right sweetheart. How about we go onto this exam room and we can talk okay?"

I nod and make my way inside sitting down on the bed while she locks the door and closes the curtains. She turns the lights on and slowly comes over, getting a good look at me "Oh Lexie"

"I…...I was attacked…... he ra-raped me" I say, lip trembling.

I break down in sobs, making my ribs flare up and I cry out in pain "Shhhhh it's okay, it's okay. Let's take a look at you okay? Do you mind if I get some help?" she asks and I shake my head, they'll all know soon enough anyway.

She pages a few people and then starts to get to work on me, "Did you hit your head?" She asks as she prods at my head, blood coming off and onto her gloves.

"He…..he wouldn't stop hitting me….. it's blurry. Might have a concussion" I mumble

She nods, her facial expression sympathetic "Do you mind if I page Shepard? We need to make sure there's no bleeding or swelling to the brain"

Once again I shake my head, soon my brother in law would know that I was attacked.

…..

(No one's POV)

Bailey continued to examine Lexie, she noticed that bright purple bruises were growing across her left side and knew she'd need an X-ray to see if and how many ribs were broken. There was a knock at the door and she excused herself, leaving the room. She wanted to prepare them for what they were about to walk into.

Derek, Arizona, April and Christina were outside, she'd gotten Derek for neurosurgeon, Arizona for the gynaecological things, April to help treat the minor wounds as well as support and Christina because she needed someone to tell Meredith.

"What's going on?" Arizona asked looking at the closed blinds and the fact that Miranda Bailey, The Nazi's hands were _shaking._

"Before you go in there I need to prepare yourself, the patient has been attacked and has numerous injuries, she also appears to have been raped" She shudders before continuing "She was hit many time across the head and is showing signs of a concussion" she looks to Derek "She'll need to be checked over, probably need a head C.T"

Then she turns to Arizona "I know that you specialise in foetal and paediatric medicine and obstetrics but I also know that you've done gynaecology before so I need you to do a rape kit, make sure there's no damage" Arizona nods.

Then she turns to April "She's been badly beaten, her ribs are probably broken and she's covered in bruises so you and I are going to take care of her okay? I called you because I need someone who isn't close to the victim, someone who won't be too involved emotionally"

"Wait do we know the patient?" Derek asks, immediately thinking of Meredith.

"It's…. It's Lexie Grey" She manages to say after taking a deep breath, then she turns to Christina "I need you to go and tell Meredith, make sure she doesn't come barging down here Lexie doesn't need that. And then call the police" Christina nods before running off.

"You should prepare yourself, she doesn't look great" she says before going inside. Lexie is on the bed hunched over and shaking "Lexie, I've brought Derek, April and Arizona to help. Is that okay?"

Lexie nods, keeping her head down. Bailey, April and Arizona help her change into a gown first, while Derek has his back turned and then he goes to inspect her head, noticing the way she flinches when he touches her.

He talks to her the whole time, explaining what he's doing and where so she won't be surprised while April goes down to make sure the X-Ray machine is free. Soon enough Derek pulls away, holding two fingers up in front of her face "How many fingers am I holding up Lex?"

Her head sways a little as she squints, trying to make out the number of fingers. She's so tired and she feels like she's about to vomit "Four" she mumbles

"She definitely has a concussion, I want to get a C.T just in case" he says and Bailey nods letting him go get the machine ready while she cleans up her face.

One of Lexie's eyes is swollen shut and the left side of her face is swollen and black and blue. Her lip is split open and there's a lot of dried blood on her chin. There's a huge cut above her eyebrow that won't close and is still bleeding and she knows that she'll have to get plastics down here if she wants Lexie not to scar.

The poor girl shouldn't have any more reminders of tonight that she already did, the memories would be bad enough.

Both her wrists have big purple fingerprints bruised on to them and she's almost certain that at least two ribs are broken judging by the way Lexie is wheezing.

Soon enough Lexie has had her C.T scan and thankfully there is now swelling or bleeding, she has a bad concussion though and Derek says that she'll need to stay in at least overnight for observation. Then she gets her ribs x-rayed and sure enough three are broken and one is fractured. They tape her ribs and give her some painkillers to help with the pain. An attending from plastics come down and stitches up her face, thankfully Mark had finished for the night.

Meredith come down soon after and cries out after seeing Lexie's battered form, she holds her hand while Arizona does the rape kit and mutters soothing words in her ear while Lexie sobs. She's given pills to stop her from getting pregnant and also in case she contracted something and swallows them dry. When the police come she stays with her the whole time, only moving away when they come to collect evidence and take photographs. She stays in the corner of the room while they scrape under and clip her fingernails, collect her clothing in paper bags and take her statement.

When it's finally over and everyone is gone she climbs onto the bed next to her and holds her while she cries.

…


	2. The Truth Hurts

When It All Falls Apart

Chapter 2

…..

I woke with a scream, the nightmare of something smothering me and those cold grey eyes flashing in my mind, I tried to take deep breaths as I looked at my alarm clock. It was 2.30am and I was supposed to get up for a 5am shift in an hour. I sighed and pulled myself out of bed, today was my first day back since the attack a month ago. I could have had more time off but being stuck in this house with nothing but bad memories was driving me crazy.

No was else was told what happened, the hospital staff was notified of the attack but my name was listed at my request, I just wanted to forget this thing ever happened. The hospital had hired night-time security guards and everyone had been warned not to walk off alone according to Meredith.

I had a long shower and then dragged myself downstairs to make breakfast, I didn't eat much nowadays but I could at least make something for everyone else and make it look like I was getting better.

Eventually Meredith came down while I was cooking the eggs "You up already?" she mumbled sleepily as she rubbed her eyes.

"Couldn't sleep" I shrugged, spooning some eggs onto a plate and passing it to her

"You know you don't have to go back today if you're not ready" she says as she begins to eat.

"I can't stay in this house forever Mer, I have to go back at some point" I say grabbing my coffee and passing her "I'm ready okay?"

We drove to work together, I placed my earphones in and blasted my music through trying to distract myself and relieve some of the anxiety that was making my legs bounce up and down and my fingers tremble. When we finally arrived I walked on wobbly legs towards the hospital entrance.

Meredith was by my side, pushing me past where _it_ happened so I wouldn't see. The grass had been pulled up, probably for testing and the bush was now gone. I shuddered and continued into the hospital.

We spilt up, I went to my locker room and she to hers, as I changed into my scrubs I heard a gasp from behind me. I quickly pulled my shirt down over my yellowing bruises covering my torso and whipped around. Callie was standing there, a horrified look on her face. I flushed with humiliation and pushed past her, I was on neuro today so I went and found Derek.

"I'm on your service today" I said when I found him.

"Lexie, how's the first day back going?" he asked and I shrugged

"Slowly, can we please just get started?" I begged and he handed me a file as we walked to the patient's room.

32-year-old Jennifer Wells had a golf ball sized tumour growing on her brain which caused a massive stroke. We were going to try to take out the tumour and then plastics was going to give her a facelift to try and correct the droop in her face that the stroke caused. Wait Plastics?

It was too late to reprimand Derek we were already in the room, I froze as I looked up and saw Mark looking over the patients face. He looked up and our eyes locked for a few seconds before I rushed out, a hand clasped over my mouth as the bile rose in my throat.

…

Mark's POV

After Lexie rushed off we apologised to the patient and then carried on explaining the surgery, when we finished and went to prepare I pulled Derek aside "What the hell is Lexie doing here?" I hissed

"Mark she's on my service" Derek explained as if it was ever that simple.

"We can't work together Derek, I won't work with her. I won't" I snapped

"Mark not everything is about you, she's going through a rough time right now. I asked for her to be put on my service so I could keep an eye on her"

"Why is everyone being so nice to her? Why does everyone take her side? She cheated on _me_ "

"Mark look, I can't say why but I need you to go easy on her. She's dealing with something right now"

"Wait is that why she ran out? What's going on?" I asked, no matter how mad I was my insides still turned to ice at the thought of something bad happening to her.

I can see that Derek is hesitant to tell me and I'm about to ask again when we're interrupted by Callie running up to me.

"I need to talk to you!" she hisses

"What's wrong?"

She glances at Derek and hesitates "Not here, somewhere private"

I turn back to Derek "We'll talk later" I say before ushering Callie off into the nearest on call room.

"What's going on" I ask as she locks the door

"You should sit down" she says gesturing to the bed, I frown at her and sit down.

"Callie what is it? You're freaking me out" I ask waiting for her to speak

"I walked in on Lexie changing" she blurts out

I tense up "What? Why are you telling me this?"

"Because she had bruises all over her, looked like at least a couple of ribs were broken…. Mark remember when that Jane doe was… attacked in the hospital car park? Everyone had to be escorted to their car for the next week. I-I think it was Lexie"

It was as if someone had poured a bucket of ice water over my head, freezing me to the bone. It couldn't be Lexie. No, no it had to be someone else. Lexie was only alone in that carpark because I walked away from her. And I've been so horrible to her, telling people how much I hated her. Oh god what have I done?

I groan, grabbing my head and pulling at my hair "Oh god!" my body is shaking as I struggle to take in this information and Callie sighs, sitting on the bed next to me. She takes my hand and helps me to calm down when panic grips me and the air is sucked out of my lungs.

"I have to- I have to go see her" I stammer getting up off the bed.

She gets up, gripping my shoulders "Mark no"

"I can't just sit here Cal, I have to talk to her"

"We don't even know if it's true okay? And if it is then Lexie is incredibly vulnerable right now and she needs support not you freaking out" she says sternly. She notices the look on my face and give me a look of pity "Mark just give her some time alright? Promise me you won't go looking for her"

"But I-"

"Promise" she interrupts, a look on her face telling me not to mess with her. I begrudgingly agree and she gives me a quick hug before getting back to work.

Once she leaves a new emotion overtakes all the pain and the guilt I'm feeling, anger. Pure rage at the slimeball that did this to Lexie. I shout and punch the nearest wall, a sharp pain going through my hand.

Oh yeah, this was going to be hard to explain.

….

After getting Callie to check out my hand I go back to my patient, Lexie isn't in the room when we start prepping her for surgery and despite how much I want to I don't comment on it. She arrives just before we start, I notice that her eyes are slightly red and I make a mental note of it.

The surgery goes well, we don't talk much in the 6 hours we spend operating and I manage to sneak glances at her even now and then, she practically bolts out the door to tell the family how it went and I'm stuck with Derek.

"You know" he says as he washes his hands

"So it's true? How could you not tell me?" I snap, wiping my hands with the paper towels and angrily pulling off my scrub cap

"Lexie didn't want everyone to know and I respected her choice" he says

"I should have been told! I-I loved her!"

"The last thing you said to her was that you couldn't look at her anymore. And after it happened she was ashamed and scared and she needed support. I did what she asked me to"

I scoff and angrily pace, biting at the skin on my thumb.

"Mark.."

"What?! What do you want Derek?" I snap

"Are you okay? I know it's a lot to take in" I raise my eyebrows, that was a big understatement.

"I-I need some air" I sigh, storming out of the OR room and outside. I am more than surprised when I run into Lexie there.

"Mark…hi" she says awkwardly, looking at the floor

"I know" I blurt out, well I didn't go looking for her I just found her so I didn't break my promise, right?

She frowns "W-what?"

I take a step forward slowly, noticing how her breath hitches and her eyes widen "I know, about what happened. I know. And I want you to know that despite what I said the last time… this doesn't change anything. And that I'm here, if you ever need me"

"Mark, stop" she says holding her hand up

"I mean it Lex, whatever you need. I'll do it"

"I need you to stop talking!" she snaps "I need you to stop looking at me the way that everyone is looking at me now when they find out. Like I'm made of glass, like I'm about to snap. I just, I don't need it and I can't handle you of all people looking at me like that."

"Lexie stop" I say trying to calm her down as she begins to shout

"Stop acting like you give a damn! You left me in that carpark! You think that I don't know what you've been saying about me this past month? And now, now you think you can come and rescue me and fix me and everything will be okay? Just stay the hell away from me Mark!"

"Lex, Lexie please. I'm sorry" I beg grasping her wrist.

She pulls away as if my touch has actually burnt her and gives me a pained look "It's too late for sorry Mark" she says rushing off and leaving me there in the carpark, dumbfounded and guilt stricken.

….


	3. Growing Pains

When It All Falls Apart

Chapter 3

…

Mark's POV

"Have you seen Lexie?"

"No and Mark she told you to leave her alone! So, leave her alone!" Callie scolded as we sat in the cafeteria. It had been a few days since our fight and she was now avoiding me, she got moved off the case and I couldn't find her anywhere.

"I can't just leave her alone Callie"

"Yes, yes you can. Look, it's easy. You just stop stalking her every move and eat your French fries instead. She'll talk when she's ready" she says picking up a fry from my tray and waving it in front of my face.

"Stop. I can't even think about eating right now" I snap, pushing the tray away from me. I finally got a glimpse at Lexie from the other side of the cafeteria, she seemed stressed and deep in thought, eyes staring off into space as she sat with Meredith and Christina. I noticed she had a bag of peanut butter cups with her which pretty much confirmed that something was stressing her out.

We locked eyes for a second before she looked away, biting her lip and then abruptly getting up and rushing off.

"Mark!"

"What?" I say whipping back around to face Callie

"Stop staring at her!"

I groaned and turned back to my lunch, slowly dragging my tray back in front of me and picking up a fry.

After lunch I had to do a post op check-up on the patient Derek and I shared. The surgery had gone well so I was just going to check how she was healing.

"Well Jennifer your incisions are healing very nicely. It will take a while for the swelling and bruising to go down but everything looks perfect. I want you to come back and see me in about a week and a half and we'll take another look. No makeup and I'll write a script for a cream you can apply to prevent infection" I said as I examined her face

"Thanks so much Dr Sloan, I finally feel like myself again" she gushes

"No problem Jen, it's my pleasure" I say before leaving the room.

Derek is outside waiting "Everything okay?" he asks, his arms crossed over his front and a look on his face that told me his mind was somewhere else.

"yeah, everything's healing well. What's going on? You have that look on your face when you're stressed about something" I ask and he shifts, obviously uncomfortable with what he's about to say.

"Did you say something to Lexie? She's been… off the last few days. Something's obviously bothering her"

"She's been through something majorly traumatic, she's not going to be herself for a while. And no I haven't even spoken to her" I say majorly concerned about her now.

"Okay, well if she does say anything to you can you let me know? Meredith is concerned" he asks a I nod, going into my own thoughts now.

What was wrong with Lexie?

….

I manage to catch her at the end of the day, she's dressed in her street clothes and is hurrying out of the hospital like there's no tomorrow. I make sure I don't startle her as I come up behind her in the carpark. I know that that's where it happened and I don't want to scare her.

"Hey Lex" I call out as I jog up to her. She seems irritated when I see her face.

"What do you want Mark?" she says with a sigh

"I just want to talk, Mere and Derek are worried about you. I'm worried about you." She scoffs and I take a step closer "I know that we're not together and that you have a lot going on but I still love you Lex. And if there's anything you want to talk about then I'm here, whatever you need".

She seems hesitant, biting her lip as she looks around, as if she's trying to see if anyone else is around. When she seems satisfied she pauses before speaking, taking a deep breath and making eye contact with me. It's only then do I notice that her eyes looked tired, exhausted actually and slightly red.

"Okay….I just found out I'm pregnant, you still want to get involved?" she says, a hardened look on her face.

I'm in shock, too stunned to form proper sentences and she sees that as her answer, giving me a small smile "Thought so" she says before walking off, leaving me standing there in the carpark.

…..

(Lexie's POV)

This can't be happening, this can't be happening. I couldn't be pregnant, not now, not with _his_ baby. I wanted to have a baby after I'd done something with my life, become an amazing surgeon and with someone who I loved. Not the man who attacked me in a parking lot.

I lay on my bed in my room at Meredith's house, hands folded over my stomach as I thought back to the look on Mark's face when I had told him. I hadn't meant to telly him, I didn't want to tell anyone until I figured out what I was going to do but I needed to stop him before he got too in over his head.

Someone knocks at the door and I sit up "come in" I mutter, expecting it to be Meredith or Derek, maybe Mark had told them.

Surprisingly Mark's head poke in "Can we talk?" he asks and I nod, shifting over on the bed.

"Look I'm sorry for how I reacted when you told me, I was just… it's big news and I was in shock"

"Tell me about it" I mutter, interrupting him.

He sighs "Look Lex, this… this doesn't change what I said before. It doesn't change the way I feel about you and it doesn't make me not want to be with you because I do"

"Mark…" I begin but he keeps talking.

"I love you Lex, always have, always will. And I get that this is crap timing and that you have things you need to figure out but I just want you to know I'm all in, forever"

"Mark just stop! Stop talking, please!" I shout "I appreciate what you're trying to say and I love that you want to help but you don't want to get involved in this, trust me. I-I don't even know if I want to keep the baby"

His face blanks "Y-You're going to have an abortion?"

"I…I don't know! And can you please stop looking at me like that, I'm already confused enough" I moan, running my hand through my hair.

"Then don't do it, you don't have to make this decision right now Lexie. You have other options, there's adoption or-"

"No don't, don't try and make me keep this baby Mark, this is not up to you"

"I just want to help"

"Well then leave me alone! Can you do that? Can you _just_ leave me alone?" I beg, frustration seeping from my pores.

He doesn't speak again, silently nodding before exiting my room, leaving me to weep into my pillow.


	4. Unsteady

When It All Falls Apart

Chapter 4

….

Lexie's POV

"And there's the heartbeat" Arizona says as she presses the wand into my abdomen. She clicks a button on her keyboard and a fast _whooshing_ sound fills the room. I stare blankly at the screen, looking at the tiny jelly bean shaped thing that was growing inside of me, wasn't I supposed to feel some magic connection?

"You're seven weeks, I'm going to give you a script for some iron tablets and prenatal vitamins since your iron was quite low on your blood test and we don't want you getting anaemic but other than that everything looks good" Arizona babbles as she places the wand back and wipes the gel off my stomach. She must notice the blank look on my face because she takes my hand, squeezing it "Lexie? Are you ok?

I zone back into the conversation, nodding and mumbling something about being tired while pulling my shirt down. She hands me the picture of the ultrasound and I hesitate before gingerly taking it and putting it in my pocket.

"Lexie if this is too much for you, no one would blame you if you wanted a termination" Arizona says and I nod again, quickly saying my thanks and taking the script before rushing out of the room. I head straight to the locker room after, my shift starting soon. I place the picture of the ultrasound in my locker before changing into my scrubs.

Meredith enters about 5 minutes later, tired and worn out from a 13-hour shift. She smiles when she sees me and starts to change out of her soiled scrubs and into her street clothes. How was I going to tell my sister, who had been trying to have a baby but couldn't that I was pregnant?

I leave without saying a word, eager to distract myself in my work. I'm on Neuro with Derek so I stay with him throughout the day, assisting in surgeries and following up post-ops with recent patients. I make my way the cafeteria when I go for lunch, grabbing an apple and some juice, the mere thought of eating enough to make me want to barf.

I sit with April and Jackson, tuning out as April babbles about something. I pick at my apple for a bit until I feel Jackson nudge my shoulder.

"Dude, Mark's staring at you" he says, his eyes pointedly looking in the direction of where Mark was sitting with Callie and Arizona. I scoff and get up, throwing away my lunch.

I can hear someone, undoubtedly Mark running after me and whip around, furious. "What part of leave me alone do you not understand?"

"I just wanted to make sure you were okay"

"I'm fantastic. I'm having the baby of the man who raped me, I've never been better!" I hissed

"So you're keeping it?"

"It's none of your business if I keep it or not, it's my decision. Mine, not yours or god's or anyone else who tries to share their opinion on the matter"

"Why did you even tell me Lexie?"

"Because you wouldn't leave me alone! I had just found out and I was scared and alone and you just wouldn't stop! And I'm sorry, I'm sorry for putting that burden on you but that does not give you the right to try and influence my decision" I say, my jaw clenching as I walk off.

Later on, I'm scrubbing out after assisting on a craniotomy when Derek speaks up.

"You're pregnant, aren't you?" he asks, much to my shock.

I stare up at him, eyes wide and shakily nod. He sighs and wipes his hands before giving me a hug, I exhale and relax, letting him comfort me.

"How did you know?" I ask when he pulls away

"I heard you throwing up a couple of days ago, and you've been quite distant lately. Not to mention how weird Mark's been the last few days. I assume he knows" he says and I shamefully nod

"I kind of just lumped him with it. I feel kind of bad, he's been trying to help and I just keep yelling at him" I admit

"He loves you Lexie, he doesn't care if you yell at him every once in a while. You don't know how awful he looked when he found out"

"I'll apologise okay, I just need to figure this out first" I say, gesturing to my stomach.

He nods "Whatever you decide, I'm here for you. And I won't say anything to Meredith until you're ready"

I give him a small smile "Thanks Derek"

He leaves the room, leaving me alone with my thoughts. Did I want this baby? Could I keep it? Could I really handle raising a child, knowing how he or she came to be? I go back to my locker, pulling out the ultrasound, brushing my fingertips over the place where the heart was.

While I still didn't feel that motherly connection I knew I couldn't bring myself to get rid of this baby. Maybe adoption would be a better choice? I change into my street clothes, carefully placing the ultrasound in my bag. As I leave the hospital I notice Mark leaving too and chase after him, calling out his name.

He looks surprised and confused when he turns around.

"I'm sorry, for how I acted before. And the last few days. I dropped this bomb on you and then treated you like shit when you were only trying to help. It wasn't fair of me to do that and I'm sorry"

He seems shocked by my apology, his mouth opening and closing a few times yet no words coming out.

"I've just been so… angry. Ever since it happened. And then I found out and I was terrified and in shock and you were there so I took it out on you and that wasn't okay of me. I'm sorry"

He stays silent for a few more seconds before sighing, "Lex, it's okay. I shouldn't have kept pestering you, this is your decision"

"I saw it today" I blurt out, rummaging through my bag and pulling out the ultrasound "I don't know if I'm going to be a good mother, god I think I might be too messed up now but… I'm keeping it"

Mark smiles slightly as I hand him the photo "If that's what you want Lex, and I think you'd be a great mother by the way"

I fidget awkwardly as he hands me back the photo "I… I'm going to need help getting through this, and I know I have no right to ask you after how I've treated you but I don't really have anyone else I trust right now and- "

He cuts off my babbling "Lexie, stop. I want to help you, whatever you need okay? You're not alone"

I smile, my face rapidly crumpling into tears as I wrap my arms around him. For the first time in weeks I felt safe.


	5. Keep Holding On

When it All Falls Apart

Chapter 5

(I don't own Grey's Anatomy)

…..

Morning sickness sucked.

Every morning I would get up, get ready for work and then as soon as it hit around 8 I would be overwhelmed by the feeling of bile rising up my throat, all but sprinting to the bathroom to retch. Certain smells set me off, a few days ago, Alex had made some bacon and eggs and I practically turned green as soon as the smell hit me, quickly leaving the room.

I wiped my mouth with some paper towels and quickly rinsed it under the tap before washing my hands and leaving the staff bathroom. Mark was standing outside, holding a bottle of water which he handed to me. I quickly took it, muttering my thanks as I hid it in my coat.

"You know people are going to find out eventually Lex, you've been retching every day for the last week" he says as we walk. I am on Peds today with Arizona, which was making me rather nervous. I had looked after my sister Molly's children before but I hadn't seen them properly for over a year and I had little experience with children otherwise.

"I know I can't hide this Mark, but I don't want to tell anyone. Not until I'm past twelve weeks. 1 in 5 pregnancies end in miscarriage" I say

"Well at least tell Meredith, she's your sister. She'll know something's up"

"I will tell her, soon. I just need more time" I sigh "I gotta go or I'm gonna be late"

"I'll see you at lunch then?"

"Probably, unless I get held up"

He smiles before quickly squeezing my hand and walking me off. I frown at the gesture, it was more intimate than usual. Over the last few weeks we'd been hanging out more, and sometimes when I was stressed or wasn't coping he'd hug me or rub my back but we weren't anywhere near what we used to be.

I wasn't ready for that kind of relationship, I still woke up screaming from nightmares, some days I didn't even want to get out of bed. And with the baby I had enough to deal with, adding a relationship would just make everything more complicated.

Arizona smiled when I entered "Lexie, I heard you're going to be on my service today"

I nodded, a little unnerved by how perky she was this early in the morning. She didn't seem to notice, handing me the chart of our first patient, Janie a 5-year-old who had hepatoblastoma, a cancer in her liver. It was small enough that we were going to be able to take a small part of the liver rather than give her a transplant.

I began doing the necessary pre-surgery check-ups, taking her blood pressure, taking some blood to be tested but when I brought out the stethoscope she started to freak out, climbing away from me on the bed.

"Janie, I'm sorry Dr Grey, she just has this phobia of stethoscopes" Karen, Janie's mother explained.

I smiled, hanging it back around my neck "That's alright" moving closer to Janie I sat on the bed next to her "I'm kinda scared too. But I think you're a pretty tough girl, having these tests done, much braver than me"

Janie looked up at me, a frown on her little face "Really?"

"Yeah! You must be super brave to be in hospital with all these doctors. I'm not nearly as brave as you, but maybe you can help me. How about we switch for a second and you can be the doctor and listen to my heart first?" I say holding out the stethoscope.

She smiles, letting me prop it up against my chest and place the buds in her ear. She smiles again, "I can hear your heart! It's very fast"

"That's good, you'd make a very good doctor. Can I have a listen to your heart now?"

She hesitates before nodding. I listen to her chest while I talk to her about her favourite movie, her heartbeat is nice and steady so I give her the go ahead to have the surgery if her blood tests come back okay. Arizona smiles at me when we leave the room.

"What?" I ask

"You were really good with her, I think you'll make an excellent mother Lexie" she says before handing me the next chart.

"Uh… thanks" I say, moving along with her to the next patient.

While it may have seemed almost peaceful at the start of my shift by 12 it was almost chaotic, back to back surgeries and consults. I sip at my water, my stomach still not feeling settled enough for solid food despite Arizona's frowning looks when I put off going for lunch, yet again.

I make it to 3 before I start to feel a little dizzy. Sitting down in a chair I place my head in between my knees, taking deep breaths.

"Lexie? You okay?" Arizona's concerned voice asks from beside me.

"Yep. Just give me a minute" I say

"Damnit Lexie, I told you to go for a break, you're supposed to be taking it easy" she scolds as if I'm some irresponsible teenager.

Despite the nausea unfurling at the pit of my stomach I push myself up, "I'm fine Arizona. See, look I'm f-"

I'm cut off by an extreme case of nausea, quickly vomiting into a nearby bin, Arizona pulls my hair back until I'm done, handing me a tissue. I take it with one shaky hand. "It's just m-morning sickness. I'm…I'm ok"

The next thing I know the room is spinning and I'm falling to the floor.

….

When I wake I'm in an exam room with an IV in my arm and a blood pressure cuff on, I groan, humiliated as I sit up. Meredith who is sitting beside me hands me a cup of water.

"You're dehydrated. Drink" she says

I take a sip, avoiding eye contact with her until she speaks again "Why did you tell me?"

I place the cup on the table beside me and face her "I'm sorry, I just, I knew you were having trouble getting pregnant. I didn't want to flaunt this in your face"

"Well it's not like you asked for this to happen" she says, instantly making a face when she realises what she's said "Sorry, I didn't mean to bring it all up again"

I sigh, sitting back against the bed "But it's going to be though, I mean whether I like it or not a lot of people are going to see this baby and automatically think about how he or she was… conceived"

She grabs my hand, an unusually intimate gesture from her "How are you feeling about it?"

I shrug "I don't know, I mean Arizona and Mark have both been really supportive" she raises an eyebrow when I mention Mark and I rush to explain "I kind of lumped him with it during an argument"

"Lexie" she scolds half-heartedly

"I was upset okay! I had just found out and my whole world had been torn apart, again! And Mark, Mark is being so kind and supportive and it just makes me want to scream and throw something because I don't know how I'm going to do this!" I shout, tears rapidly pouring down my cheeks "This is not the way I wanted to have a baby! I don't even know how I'm going to handle a baby, I have panic attacks! I wake up screaming every other night… I just, I don't know how to do this"

Meredith surprised me again by getting up and sitting on the bed, pulling me up carefully and letting her cry into her shoulder, "It's okay, you're going to be okay. You can do this Lexie, you're a Grey. We're tough"

Leaning against her I whisper out my deepest, darkest thought "What if I can't love the baby?"

She stays silent for a few seconds before squeezing my shoulder "Then I'll love it for you, until you're ready. If that's what you want"

Pulling away I wipe away the stray tears "You'd do that?"

"We're sisters Lexie, and while I may never be like Molly or win any sister of the year awards I do care about you. And sisters take care of each other"

I smile, grabbing her hand "For what it's worth, I think you're doing a pretty good job with the whole sister thing"

…..

I really wanted to have a Mark/Lexie scene at the end but this scene between Mere and Lexie was so cute and I wanted to show that Lexie has other support people, not just Mark as he will be in a majority of the story


	6. Hold Me Close

When It All Falls Apart

Chapter 6

(I don't own Grey's Anatomy)

…

Lexie stared at the mirror hatefully, adjusting her scrubs for the umpteenth time. She definitely had a case of the oncoming baby bump and while it was a great way of showing that her baby was growing healthfully most of her clothes didn't fit anymore which meant she'd have to go maternity clothes shopping soon.

She tied her hair up as she made her way to do her rounds, she was on plastics today so she'd be spending her work day with Mark, something she hadn't done since she told him she was pregnant.

He'd been spending a lot more time at the house now, working on rebuilding their friendship and supporting her with the baby. Slowly, she could feel herself being drawn back towards him. Despite how complicated things were right now, she missed him, she missed him holding her at night, missed waking up next to him.

She smiled slightly as she caught sight of him, walking up to his side "Dr Sloan, I'm on your service today"

He grinned at her "Good, plastics has missed having you around Dr Grey" smirking he looked her up and down "Are you wearing the elastic band scrubs?"

Scowling, she snapped at him "Shut up. I kinda popped all of a sudden"

Glancing down, he smiled "You sure it wasn't all those Twinkies you ate yesterday?" he chuckled

She slapped him on the arm "I was craving them okay? Can we please just get to work?" she said, desperate to change the subject.

He nods, handing her the folder he had in his hands as the walk to the first patients room. The rest of the morning goes fairly smoothly, mostly consults and post ops. Around lunchtime they get paged down to the E.R.

The room is hectic when they arrive, Hunt, Grey, Callie and April working on a man lying on a stretcher, blood has stained the sheets beneath him and on closer inspection Lexie can see a knife sticking out of his torso.

"John Doe, mid-thirties, multiple stab wounds to the chest and stomach, slash wounds on the face and arms" Owen explains as they get to work.

Mark begins to check the wounds on his arms while Lexie checks the dressed wound on his face, when she first sees his face an odd feeling stirs in her stomach, as if she's met this man before. Shrugging it off she focuses on her work, peeling back the dressing on his cheek. A large, deep gash runs down his face diagonally from his temple to towards his chin, stopping at the corner of his mouth. It'll definitely need stitches.

She's about to call Mark over when the man gasps, suddenly awakening. His eyes meet hers and it's like someone's hit her in the chest with a baseball bat, she's winded, unable to breathe. Reeling backwards she hits a piece of equipment, sending her to the floor.

"Lexie!"

"Grey? You alright?" Mark and Owen's voices call out to her instantaneously but she can't respond, those cold, grey eyes that haunt her nightmares every night are still locked onto her.

Stumbling to her feet she staggers out of the room, her stomach twisting. She somehow manages to make it to a supply closet, sliding down onto the floor behind one of the shelves. Tucking her knees into her chest she tries to slow her breathing down, counting in her head.

Eventually her breathing slows, though her heart is still pounding and she is shaking profusely. She heads to the nearest bathroom, washing her sweaty, pale face and taking a few sips of water.

What was she going to do? She couldn't go back there, she wouldn't but yet she had to know, she _needed_ to know if he was still alive.

The door to the bathroom opened and Arizona came in, sighing heavily when she spotted Lexie by the sinks.

"Thank god, Mark's been having a fit worrying about you. He said you fell, is something wrong with the baby?"

Lexie slowly shook her head, absent-mindedly placing a hand on her stomach "No… it's…. it's not that"

Noticing the way she was shaking, Arizona stepped closer, placing a hand on Lexie's arm "You're shaking, what's going on?" she asked, genuinely concerned

"I…Th-the… the patient" she manages to stammer out

"The John Doe? What about him?"

"H-He… it was him… he was the one who…" she trailed off, not wanting to say it.

Arizona seemed to understand, gasping out "Oh my god" before hugging her. "We need to tell Hunt" she says when she pulls away.

"No! No, I can't! I can't!" Lexie cries, her composure crumbling again

"Lexie…Lexie look at me" Arizona says, trying to calm her down "We have to, okay? He could do this again, to some other innocent woman. I know you don't want that to happen. I'll go with you alright, we can do this together"

Lexie tearfully nods, letting Arizona lead her out of the room and towards the E.R. They spotted Hunt over by the nurses' desk.

"Dr Grey? Is everything alright?" he asked when they approached him.

Lexie opened her mouth but found no words would come out, it was as if someone had a chokehold on her vocal cords. Arizona, seeing that Lexie was too terrified to speak, spoke up instead "Where's your John Doe?"

"OR 2 Kepner and Grey are trying to stop the internal bleeding and Sloan is fixing his wounds, why?" he asked, frowning as he realises that something was seriously wrong.

"You need to call the police and get them down here"

"Why?"

Arizona glances at Lexie who shakily takes a deep breath "Because he's the man who…raped me" she chokes out.

Owen's eyes widen, glancing between the two of them before turning and grabbing a phone from the nurses' desk. Dialling he holds it up to his ear "Police? We need someone down at Seattle Grace Mercy West as soon as possible"

…

Lexie had been given the rest of the day off, she'd already spoken to the police numerous times and was now waiting for the surgery on the man who assaulted her to finish. Wringing her hands, she waited outside the OR.

Mark and Meredith exited first, the smile on his face telling her that the surgery had gone well. She knew that smile would be gone in a minute. They both rush over when they spot her, obviously anxious.

"Lexie! What happened? Are you okay?"

"Is the baby alright?" they both ask at the same time

Noticing Owen hovering in the background, Mark frowns "What's going on?"

"Let's have this conversation in my office" Owen suggests, leading them all to his office where any outbursts would be kept from other staff and patients.

"What's going on?" Mark asks again as Owen closes the door.

"Do you want me to tell them?" Owen asks, Lexie nods gratefully, rubbing her stomach anxiously. This wasn't going to go down well.

"The John Doe that came in, he's the one who… assaulted Lexie" Owen explains

Mark stiffens while Meredith gasps, turning to Lexie "You recognised him, oh god Lex. I'm sorry" she weeps, hugging her.

Lexie hugs her back, keeping her eyes on Mark who is turning redder by the second.

"Now, we've already called the police and two officers are waiting outside his room for him to wake up. He'll be handcuffed to his bed and two officers will be stat-" Owen's interrupted by Mark storming out of the room in a rage.

Lexie rushes after him "Mark! Mark wait!" she shouts, pulling on his arm

"I'm going to kill him, I'm going to fucking kill him!" Mark snarls, making his way towards where he knew he's be recovering.

Lexie pulls on his arm again "Mark stop! Stop!" she pushes herself in front of him, wrapping her arms around him "Please, please stop. I-I need you right now, please just stay with me"

She feels him shake in her arms and holds him tighter, somehow, she navigates them into an on-call room, wrapping her arms around him again. She feels his tears land in her hair while hers soak his scrub shirt.

"He hurt you Lex, and instead of making him pay what do I do? I _fix_ the guy! I want to kill him" Mark sobs against her.

"Shhhh, it's okay Mark, I'm okay" she says, choking back more tears "Please just stay here with me"

He nods into her hair "For as long as you want me to Lex". When he feels her starting to collapse against him he manoeuvres them onto the bed, both of crying into each other until Meredith eventually comes to find them. Her eyes like theirs, red and puffy but it's not mentioned. Instead, she sits down on the other side of Lexie and holds her hand while she tells her what she does know.

….

"You don't have to do this Lex, you don't need to prove anything" Meredith says as they stand outside of the man, now known as Jacob Water's room. There are two officers waiting outside the door and when she glances in the window she can see that he is cuffed to the bed but still her heart pounds.

"I know" she sighs, turning to her sister "But I need to do this, for me"

Meredith nods, not going to argue further with her. If this is what she needs to get some closure then so be it.

Taking a deep breath, she enters the room quietly, he's on a fair amount of pain killers but even then, he tenses up when he spots her "W-What are you doing in here?"

"It's not so fun when you're the one who is helpless, is it?" she says bitterly "The girl who attacked you, she told the police that you were trying to do to her what you did to me. So even if you don't get charged with what happened to me, you're still going away for a long time."

Looking down on him with disgust she scoffs "You know for the longest time I built you up in my head as some big, bad monster. I never really saw your face that night so I had no other way to really picture you… but looking at you now, you're just some sad, pathetic little man who has to _rape_ women to make himself feel good. You're nothing, _nothing_. And this baby, it's never going to know you."

She turns to leave, having said her piece when he calls out weakly "I-I'm sorry"

She turns, staring at this man incredulously "What? And I'm supposed to say I _forgive_ you right? That's what the nice girl says, the kind girl. Well I'm not her anymore, you killed her that night. I don't forgive you, and I hope you get _exactly_ what you deserve"

Turning she leaves the room, not listening to another word. She nods at one of the officers, letting them know she's finished before falling into Mark's arms, letting him take her home.


End file.
